What's your love language?
We all have all five of them but there is always one that’s stronger than the others, the one that makes us feel more loved and it’s worth knowing which one it is. Mine is "touch"! I feel most loved when Marcus and I touch, when we cuddle or kiss, when he puts his hand on my leg when we’re driving or holds my hand in a restaurant. I am very lucky as it’s his first love language too, as a result, we are a rather tactile pair to the annoyance of many.
Fluency in love languages can do wonders for communication and prevent or even resolve any relationship issues. "Words of affirmation" are my second love language - I like to be told how wonderful and loved I am. I will gladly lap up all the praise! For Marcus this one comes third so he doesn’t need me telling him how awesome he is, I guess he just knows. I tell him anyway because I communicate love this way. To satisfy my own need for words I sometimes just drag them out of him, and we both know when that’s happening.
"Quality time" is my third but it comes second for him, he feels loved when we spend time connecting, sharing experiences, and doing things in loving togetherness. If I 'd spend too much time being distant, doing my own thing, I'd probably lose some brownie points.
“Receiving and giving gifts” seems to be of equal value to both of us, so from time to time we admittedly spoil each other with great enjoyment. Our Christmas tree looks like a Harrods display every year, as we pile up our carefully selected treasures, wrapped up with loving finesse and a colour code.
"Acts of service" come last for both of us, so while not much gets done around the house, neither of us minds it. We still value them, of course, I’m grateful when he cooks dinner and he appreciates when I vacuum, it’s just that we can take it or leave it, it’s not a problem if it doesn’t happen.
Can you see how mismatched love languages could challenge effective communication, cause misunderstandings, and give the impression of problems in a relationship? Being with someone distant who is comfortable being apart, or not very touchy-feely would probably make me feel rather insecure. If he’d had acts of service as his primary love language and communicate love by doing things like opening doors for me, fixing the car, or mowing the lawn, to be honest, I probably wouldn’t take much notice. I’d even feel unloved and lonely if he was busy doing all of that instead of snuggling up with me and telling me sweet little nothings! He, on the other hand, would think that he’s jumping through hoops, doing his best, never being appreciated or loved.
I want to know what your love language is! If you don’t know, I encourage you to find out, notice how you relate to others, and how others relate to you. Think of someone you know well, can you tell their love language? We use our love languages in communication outside relationships too, so it might be the most useful language you ever become fluent in! Drop me an email if you want to know more about how love languages can be of help in your love life.