How well do you know your inner child?

The only reason I like to revisit the past is to heal it because we simply can't move much forward if we keep looking back. Sometimes, however we can only accelerate by dropping some of the baggage that's weighing and slowing us down. And I don't mean, to go think over a million times again how could things have been different, I mean recognise that something has affected you, and see it, feel it, and heal it. One of the most profound ways to do that is getting to know and working with our inner child.

While it's the most transformational process in my journey, it's also the one thing I am always most reluctant to do. Hesitant to scratch the surface of my seemingly idyllic childhood, I don't want to admit that it was maybe less perfect than I consciously remember. I've had no major trauma, no abuse, I travelled the world, attended good schools, had loving parents, lived in beautiful houses, vacationed at least twice a year… How could I possibly have a wounded inner child, surely not me, surely not daddy's little girl? But that's just it, we all have one. Because our parents are also people and generally as humans, we are imperfect. And as humans, we are complex, even as children. Our parents didn't have it all figured out when they had us; they played it by ear, they winged it in life, the very same way we do.

As I recognise my patterns, discover emotions, reflect of my responses, I dive in to meet the little me. I notice that she was a sensitive little girl. I see the times when she didn't feel loved the way she needed to be. That time when I was so excited and ran to my dad with a dream, and he responded "Ok, how you gonna do it?" Ouch. I'm 7. I don't know yet. I just wanted you to be happy for me. With me. That time when I was told how well cousin Mary was doing and asked what am I going to do? With what? About what? Last time I saw Mary it was Christmas, I have no awareness of her, so why do I suddenly feel I inferior? BTW, am I not enough as I am? Could you please love me as I come? Then there are all those times when I was told that I have to be the wiser one, the more understanding one, that I just have to let something slide, because I am the older one, the big sister. What about me, my inner child screams, are my feelings not valid? Who's going to big sister me?

All this is not at all to throw our parents under the bus. They loved us and did the best they could with what they knew at the time. Like us, they were carrying around their own wounded inner child, raised by their own imperfect parents. We can look at it as we are all just victims of victims. We can roll over and accept it, or we can take that awareness and roll with it instead, empowered, ever-growing. We can use this knowledge and re-parent ourselves. We can give that child within us the love it needed at the time. We can acknowledge and validate its feelings, while having love, understanding and compassion for our not so perfect parents. We can heal the smallest parts of us that maybe affect us more profoundly than we are willing to admit and the big scary ones that we so carefully hide from the world. It is not the easiest of processes, but it is life-changing. Getting to know your inner child is therapeutic, healing, cathartic, and most of all, empowering.

I highly recommend that you do some inner child or other shadow work. If you'd like some help or guidance drop me an email, I'd love to support you.