How to help your avoidant partner

If your partner has an avoidant attachment style, it can be difficult to navigate the challenges that come with this adaptation . One of the key issues that avoidant partners face is their hypervigilance to signs that they're not meeting your needs or disappointing you in any way.

At the core of avoidant attachment is a belief that relationships are difficult and that we can never be good enough to meet someone else's needs. This belief was reinforced many times by negative feedback we've received in the past. As a result, avoidantly attached people are particularly sensitive to criticism and blame, which only validates the story we tell ourselves about our own inadequacy.

When I feel like I’m not meeting your needs, they may feel the need to withdraw in order to create emotional safety within myself. It's important that you understand that this withdrawal is not a reflection of how much I care about you, but a way of coping with my own fears and insecurities.

If you're in a relationship with an avoidant partner, be mindful of how you express your expectations. We are more likely to interpret even constructive criticism as evidence that we're not good enough. Instead, try to focus on acknowledging and appreciating what I do well for you and the relationship.

Each time you spontaneously express appreciation for my efforts, you're helping me build confidence in my relational skills and grow trust in the relationship. This, in turn, activates my attachment system and allows me to feel more emotionally safe with you. Ultimately, it leads to a more secure, fulfilling relationship for both of us.

If you identify more with the avoidant attachment style, share this article with you partner to help them understand better how to support you in becoming more secure.

By being mindful of each other's needs, communicating openly, and expressing appreciation and support, you can build a strong, secure and thriving relationship.