Five Stages of Relationships
Romance
You see your partner through rose-tinted glasses, blissfully ignoring their flaws. Bonding chemicals flood your body, creating a euphoric high, leading you to believe you found "the one." As you're only able to see their best, you try to only show your best side too. This most immature form of love - infatuation, lasts up to two years and fades when reality sets in, revealing that many of the honeymoon dreams won't come true.
RISK:
Getting lost in the illusion, adopting a new persona, and ignoring compatibility issues and conflicting values.
Power Struggle
A critical phase where the illusion of eternal honeymoon fades away with the romance hormones. The rose-coloured glasses come off, differences and flaws become apparent, and disappointment sets in. Needs and expectations replace the initial euphoria, fuelling frustration and resistance as both sides feel let down by unmet romantic ideals. Minor conflicts escalate into battles. Disconnection deepens, reviving old patterns in pursuit of emotional security.
RISK:
Breaking up. This stage can last months or years, with some couples remaining stuck and unhappy, while others choose to separate.
Stability
A sense of peace, reignites the warmth and excitement of love in a more mature and deeper form than before. You learned to communicate in ways that increase connection, and resolve conflicts in ways that bring you closer. You let go of the need to change your partner and embrace your differences. You've overcome some challenges, established boundaries and agreements, and appreciate the security and predictability of your relationship.
RISK:
Relationships, like people, can't thrive in comfort zones. Nurture yours with novelty, spontaneity, and deepening your relationship skills to keep growing together.
Commitment
This stage is about more than exclusivity. It's about cultivating a shared vision for your relationship. If marriage is important to you, this is the time to make big decisions, not before. In this phase you wholeheartedly embrace your own and your partner's imperfections. You acknowledge that your relationship is not flawless, and you're ok with it. You actively choose to be together and love intentionally, fully accepting and embracing every aspect of each other.
RISK:
Neglecting personal pursuits and complacency in nurturing the connection. Relationships require active effort and cannot thrive on autopilot.
Co-creation
The most mature form of love. A secure, connected and committed bond. In this stage partners naturally feel called to make a positive impact beyond the relationship. They channel their shared values into projects that contribute to a better world. It arises organically from the growth experienced over time together. In this stage, the couple becomes a united team, extending their attention and energy beyond themselves.
RISK:
Becoming consumed with external projects and and neglecting the relationship in the process.
Which stage is your relationship in?
Key points to remember:
The stages aren't linear.
Your relationship will remain in a particular stage until you learn the lessons associated with that stage.
Romantic movies almost exclusively picture the romance stage, giving us unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. The others wouldn't get the same watch time.
To break free from the power struggle stage, you'll need to address your unconscious relational blueprints and fine-tune your communication and repair skills. Without this, any move past the power struggle will be short-lived.
The power struggle is the most challenging of all the stages, and sadly many couples don't make it past it. Helping you navigate this phase, facilitating reconnection, and guiding the relationship towards the more harmonious stages is a big part of my work, so reach out if you feel like you've hit a wall.