7 Ways in which you may be creating your relationship problems
What one person needs to feel safe, loved, and truly seen can differ significantly from what their partner needs. It's like speaking two different languages, leaving both partners astonished by the lack of understanding and results.
Both expect their partner to effortlessly grasp and communicate in their language, leading to disconnection even in the most loving and well-intentioned couples.
The way we navigate these differences in communication can either create or prevent most relationship challenges.
Most relationship problems are issues of connection. Here’s how you may be creating yours:
1) Communicating When Dysregulated
When emotions run high, rational thinking and effective communication take a backseat. We react impulsively, adding fuel to conflicts and saying things we don't mean. Pause, take a break, or go to bed angry (yes, really!), and approach the conversation when emotions have settled. Practising emotional regulation when things are good will help find your calm in the heat of the moment!
2) Expecting Your Needs to Be Met Without Asking
Love doesn't grant magical powers! As romantic as mind-reading sounds, open communication is where true romance is. It's the key to understanding each other's needs. Assuming your partner knows what you want only leads to resentment when they don't. If there's something you want - speak up, or handle the disappointment with big pants on.
3) Demanding an Answer When Your Partner Isn't Ready because you can't sit with discomfort
What you are implicitly communicating here is that your needs are more important than theirs. If your partner needs space and time to process, pressuring for a response disregards their needs, creates disconnection, defensiveness, and pushes them further away. Find compassion for their needs, embrace discomfort, and when the time is right, create a safe space for open and honest dialogue.
4) Shaming Them for How They Communicate
Relational communication is a skill. Your partner may not be reading the same books or getting the same support in this area as you do. Criticizing someone's way of expression can stifle their willingness to communicate and be vulnerable. Instead, apply your communication skills to make them feel heard and valued, create a stronger connection, and lead by example in how you express yourself.
5) Making Assumptions Without Asking
Assumptions are silent connection killers! Jumping to conclusions without seeking clarity reliably leads to misunderstandings and conflicts. Practice the art of asking questions and embrace genuine curiosity to foster intimacy. And hey, if you're going to make assumptions – make positive ones!
6) Thinking You Know Your Partner Too Well to Be Curious
As time passes, you might think you know your partner inside out. But even in long-term relationships, there's always more to discover about each other because people are always changing. Relationships are an ever-evolving journey of discovery. Stay curious, be open to change, and allow room for new revelations. People grow, and so should your bond!
7) Expecting Them to Think and Act Just Like You
They're not you, and that's the beauty of it! You're just projecting your skills, wants and abilities onto them. Embrace their uniqueness and understand their values and ways of relating. Don't expect them to mirror your thoughts and actions and then get disappointed when they don't.
Connection is an essential human need and the heartbeat of relationships. Treasure and nurture it, and avoid any unintentional damage along the way.