Are you a fellow overthinker?

At its core, overthinking is a pattern we run to protect ourselves from danger. Add overthinking to anxiety, and you got yourself one depressing, immobilising, sour-tasting cocktail.

Our minds scan for danger all the time. That's how the human species survive. It's is our primary programming, but a lot of the time, the threats are only perceived, imagined, or exaggerated. Our mind takes those situations and analyses them from every possible angle, comparing them to past experiences, our belief system, our environment or societal norms.

Our mind will go down all possible avenues, overthinking the past, irrational fears, made-up scenarios, and come up with unlimited worst possible outcomes.

This mechanism, without a doubt, has its benefits, and I am sure you can think of times where it delivered a result, a payoff, it kept you safe. Even the most unhelpful behaviours of ours have some benefits, which is why they are hard to shake off. But, unfortunately, those payoffs may cloud all those times when overthinking caused more damage than good.

Yes, overthinking is neither healthy nor helpful. It increases the stress response in your body, which in itself results in more overthinking. It affects your sleep, your moods, and your ability to perceive objectively. Overthinking your mistakes makes you judge your every next move and action. You detach from your intuition as you go over all options, again and again, scrambling for a logical, statistically correct solution.

In relationships, overthinking might make you outstay your welcome. Or you won't go after the one that was right for you. Or you will give up too quickly. And if you are constantly scanning for danger, your loved one will get tired of your constant worrying.

Don't let overthinking get in the way. Recognise it and be aware when you are running this pattern. Point this out to yourself - "I am overthinking right now. It's not helpful or healthy, and I don't have to do it. It's just an old pattern."

If your mind insists on doing something, give it a different job. Turn all your worst-case scenarios into best-case scenarios. Negative thinking will immobilise you. A more positive thinking will open the way for solutions to present themselves.

If you must overthink something, set a timer. Give yourself a limit, 10 minutes, half an hour or two. Then, make a deal with yourself that when that time is up, you won't think about that issue anymore.

Shift your perspective. Will this matter in a year or five? Is what you're thinking an absolute fact, speculation or belief?

I love you, my overthinkers. I love your beautiful minds. Let's put them to better use. Stress hormones are not good for our skin. Get in touch if overthinking is getting in the way of your love life.

Sincerely, your (mostly) recovered fellow overthinker.