Some Seriously-Red Flags

We must learn to recognise red flags in relationships so that we can protect ourselves from potential abuse, avoid trauma, and make educated decisions about who we invite into our lives.

Triangulation

This one can be blatant or subtle. Intentionally generating insecurity in a relationship is a red flag. Overtly, this can be done by bringing in another person, such as an ex, a family member, or a coworker. Triangulation can range from infidelity, through bringing in another person's opinion to justify a toxic person's point of view, to unfairly comparing you to them. In more covert approaches, the third person either doesn't exist or is unaware that they're being used in triangulation while you compete with them for your partner's attention. If you ever hear, "I wish you were more like her."; "Even my mother thinks you're..."; or "She wants me back."; you could be triangulated.

Gaslighting

This emotional manipulation makes you question your own reality to the point where you believe the abuse is your fault, rationalise it, or deny it ever happened. Eventually, it will make you doubt your own instincts and interpretations, as well as your perception, feelings, and sanity.

"You're too sensitive;" "You made me do it;" and "That never happened;" Are just some examples.

Harems

I wish we spoke about this one more, with its covert cruelty. Harem members only ever get to see the charming persona that a toxic person wishes to portray. This way, they can always stroke their ego and provide the much-craved admiration and validation. Instead of seeing the side of that person you get to see, they get presented with an image of you as the unstable, crazy one. You might have experienced the effects of this covert tactic if you ever doubted yourself because of people saying "oh, but he's such a nice guy / good husband" etc.

Love-bombing to discard cycles

The core of the emotional addiction to toxic relationships, with its thrilling highs and lows. Moments of being placed on a pedestal lead to unpredictable behaviours, emotional abuse, and eventual abandonment, leaving you thinking it was all your fault. As you chase another breadcrumb and romanticise his potential, your body becomes addicted to its own chemical spikes, and you can't see the relationship for what it is.

These red flags, especially if present long-term reveal everything you need to know about a relationship.