Dating Green Flags that Look Red
Lack of an Initial Spark
Contrary to the romanticized notion of an all-consuming instant connection, such intensity can be a sign of dating someone who fits our wounding. While relationships without extreme highs and lows may feel boring, this stability is the foundation for a lasting, secure relationship which is the goal of dating.
Infrequent Contact
A different communication style, not checking their phone when busy with responsibilities or interests - reflects a commitment to being present and engaged in various aspects of life.
Note: This is not the same as playing games or “making you wait”.
Clarifying Intentions Early
Being proactive in determining compatibility allows both of you to assess if you’re a good match, and saves you from over-investing into someone who isn’t looking for the same thing.
Not Making You a Priority
Self-abandoning people who neglect their own interests and pursuits become resentful, passive-aggressive partners. Not making you the centrepiece of their life, and filling their own cup outside of the relationship is what will help them show up as the best partner for you.
Slow Progress
Taking the time to truly get to know each other’s complexities is a sign of emotional maturity. Steady progress builds a solid foundation for a lasting relationship.
Different Interests
A healthy relationship involves two whole, unique people choosing to be together, so you don’t have to be joined at the hip. Some separateness adds depth and expansion to your connection.
Not Being Always Available
Ditching everything for you isn’t as good as it seems. Having their own hobbies, pursuits, and a healthy balance of life in and outside of the relationship is a sign of a well-rounded adult.
Setting up the Relationship Culture from the Start
Being upfront about goals, boundaries, dating style, and communication preferences reflects emotional health and self-awareness. An open dialogue early sets the stage for building a relationship that works for both of you.
Asking for Space in or After Conflict
An awareness of our own patterns, limits, and needs is invaluable in a relationship. Prioritizing emotional regulation shows that they choose healthy communication instead of reactive responses.
Note: This is not the same as the silent treatment.
Conflict
Disagreements are natural. What matters is what you fight about and how it is resolved. Respectful conflict that ends in a good repair shows a capacity for difficult conversations.