Bad Relationship Advice

I could fill a book with the bad relationship advice I received while working on creating the love life I knew was possible.

It will happen when you least expect it.

It's not a bolt of lightning. If you do nothing, nothing will happen. People who are successful at finding a good relationship are intentional about it. There are no magical coincidences here, no prince charmings dropping from the sky, simply a commitment to personal growth and intentional dating.

Play hard to get.

You're dating aren't you? So, what's the point of playing hard to get? Protect your energy, do what you have to do so you don't revert to unhealthy patterns, but be open to connecting with someone who is interested in you.

When you meet your soulmate, you'll know.

By definition, a soulmate is anyone who teaches us a soul lesson. It may be a grocery store cashier, or it could be your cat. A life partner is someone you consciously create and nurture a relationship with.

Happy couples don't fight.

If a couple doesn't have any conflict, at least one of the partners isn't fully expressing their needs and feelings. It's natural for people to clash sometimes because no two people are the same. Suppressing needs or emotions only leads to resenting the relationship or partner. A better indicator of relationship quality is how the fights look and how easily a couple repairs.

Time heals all wounds.

I'm gonna say no, based on how grumpy my grandparents are. Seriously though, given enough time, you'll suppress anything, and resentment will grow instead of healing. Intentional steps, not time, are required to heal hurts.

Never go to bed angry.

Why wouldn't you have a good night's sleep and approach a dissagreement better regulated? When we're emotionally overwhelmed, we can say things we don't mean, revert to old behaviours and unintentionally hurt the person we love. If conflict is getting out of hand, take a break.

Just be yourself.

Controvertial, I know. But if you're at the start of your healing, you may have some unhealthy patterns of behaviour that can come up and sabotage a good thing. Be vulnerable with your self-awareness and share what areas you're growing in, rather than letting it loose and expecting it all to be accepted. Your partner can support you in being your best self.

Love hurts.

Love is the polar opposite of pain! If it hurts, it's not love. There is no simpler way to put it. If you associate love with pain and drama, it's a sign to take a dating hiatus, explore where this comes from, and learn models of love that make you feel better not worse.

What bad relationshio advice did you get?